Humans think we’re so smart; we’ve got nothing over birds. They’ve got a social network that we can’t match.
Photograph by Robert E. Regnier
I just filled my birdfeeders after a year of empty feeders dangling in the wind. Now there’s a backyard smorgasbord of black niger, millet, sunflower seeds, peanuts and suet cakes. And how long do you think it took for word to get out? A nanosecond. First came the nuthatches. They sent word to the chickadees. The chickadees told the finches. Oops, who told the flicker? Birds scattered everywhere as the flicker clung to the suet cake and pigged out. Birds are superior to people when it comes to communication.
Last week, shortly after getting out bed, I felt queezy, so I got back into bed. It took my husband until two o’clock in the afternoon to figure out where I was (he works from home.) I realized I could starve. When he finally did find me, he was confounded:
He: Why are you in bed?
Me: Sick.
He: Where?
Me: Here (pointing to my head).
He: I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I’d better just leave you alone.
Me: No. I need water. I need food.
He: Well, what’s in the refrigerator?
Me: Geez, my x-ray vision is broken (Even when I’m sick I can muster the energy for sarcasm.) Go look.He: Stay right here.Me: Gee, I’ll try. (Still sarcastic despite low fluid levels.)He: I didn’t see anything in the refrigerator.Me: Did you see eggs?
He: I may have.
Me: Scramble them.
Me: Did you see bread?
He: I don’t remember.
Me: Go toast it.
Me: Make some tea, too.
(An hour later)
Me: Help.
And what would birds make of our 2008 pre-election dinner dialogue?
Me: We need to replace the fuel pump in your car.
He: Obama is ahead in the latest Gallup poll.
Me: It will cost about $300, and the garage can do the work this Friday.
He: But Obama has to do well in the last debate.
Me: I’ve scheduled it; so don’t forget to drop your car off at the garage Thursday night.
He: You know 80 percent of the deficit came from Bush.
Me: Take your credit card, so you can pay for it.
He: He ought to tell them.
Me: Tell who?
He: The American people; spell it out: The two wars, the tax breaks.
Me: Did I overcook your salmon?
He: People ought to know.
Me: So, go tell everyone that I didn’t overcook your salmon.
Me: Dear, my left ovary just fell out. (Maybe this will get his attention.)
He: I hope he tells them in the third debate.Me: So long ovary.
Birds beat humans in collaboration, too. I remember a decade ago, I stood on the banks of the Mustinka River in Minnesota with my friend Bob. We were watching pelicans fish.
Pelicans have been doing this since atoms and DNA conspired to form a pelican. We were standing where it all began, not far from Browns Valley – where the earliest man was found in the Traverse Gap, the ancient glacial bed known as Lake Agassiz. Anyway, back to the river where we were standing.
My friend Bob has watched and photographed pelicans fishing since he moved to this remote part of Minnesota. We went there every day during my visit in hopes of seeing Pelicans fishing together. And finally we did.
They form a semicircle — a pelican net. Then one pelican drives the fish into the pelican net.
And none of these birds fly around bragging about how superior they are to humans or eat us. Though I wouldn’t blame them if they did.