I would like to see a few people get their comeuppance. One day a year is all I’m asking. Let’s call it Comeuppance Day.

Okay, so comeuppance is an old-fashioned word that looks funny with two p’s so close together. But it’s a good word. A word my mother still uses and one my grandmother used. I’m not talking about vengeance, that’s too strong a word – just a chance to see the woman who lets her dog poop in my perennial beds slip and fall in her dog’s poop and twist her ankle. Too harsh? I need practice at this.

Or how about her dog gets diarrhea in her car on her way home? Explosive diarrhea. Went too far again?

And the man who speeds by our house and throws his beer cans on our property … He can get strung up by his … Wait, let me back that up again, this takes some discipline. How about, his tire hits the broken glass left in the road by kids who were in the church basement last night?

Our little town put a teen center there many years ago, and since then we’ve had broken glass in our driveway, on the street, our cars scratched or “keyed,” a fire started in our yard … maybe a double comeuppance? He gets a flat tire from the broken glass left by the teens from the teen center and they get? They get, well, they get fined for littering. The broken glass was right under the sign that said, “No littering.”

Irony is not dead in our little town.

Oh, and our Christian brethren across the street at the church? The one that professes to love thy neighbor as thyself? Can they get their comeuppance for not removing the dead trees from their property until they topple over and take the power lines with them, and the whole neighborhood is plunged into darkness?

I’ll have to ponder the church’s comeuppance, but it will be biblical. Something will be smote for sure.