One says to the other, “What’s the weirdest garden question you’ve ever been asked?”

The second master gardener (that would be me) says, “I got a call from a woman who said her Thanksgiving centerpiece – a wooden goose – had bugs crawling out of it. She had bought the hand-carved goose at a local craft fair last fall. It promptly found a prominent place on the dining room table. But at Thanksgiving, several guests were “grossed out” when they noticed bugs crawling out of it. She loved the goose but loved her guests more. What could she do to save the goose, but rid it of bugs?”

Master Gardener #1: “You’ve got me beat. That’s a doozy. What did you do?”

Me: “After I scratched my head and rubbed my newly sprouted chin whiskers, I thought the wooden goose might harbor wood borers? Wood-boring beetles, maybe? Or wood mites? I asked her to drop off the goose so I could examine the bugs under the microscope, but she declined, fearing the bugs might infest her new car.”

I asked her a few questions:

Question 1: Do you have any firewood stored inside or outside your home?

“No,” she said.

I figured the bugs came with the goose (no extra charge) rather than any firewood stored on her property.

Question 2: Will the goose fit in your oven?”

“What?” she asked.

Question 2 again: “Will the goose fit in your oven?”

I could hear quick footsteps, her oven door open and the oven racks being removed.

“Yes,” she said.

“Okay,” I said, “wrap your goose in aluminum foil and bake at 425 degrees for two hours.”

Once her goose was cooked so were the bugs.