Grasses sway, the catbird calls, and the quiet invites me into my dark backyard garden. That’s when I hear it.

The chainsaw.

A neighbor is using it to cut back tall grasses. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard heavy-duty power tools in that garden. My friend Patti told me that she and her husband found a Sawzall ideal for cutting an old shrub out of the ground. What could have taken hours of digging and pulling was dispensed with in a matter of minutes. They only had one question: “Why didn’t we think of this sooner?”

Tough gardens call for tough tools.

Twenty years ago, I planted several large grasses on a slope. As the grasses aged, they developed “male pattern baldness” – no grass in the center, surrounded by a ring of shaggy grass. My husband doesn’t appreciate this description, but you get the picture. I decided to dig those grasses out, armed with a strong back, an axe and a pickaxe. My husband watched me from his office window and wagered on the grass winning the daylong battle. He never made that mistake again. At midday, if someone had offered me explosives, I would have used them. The root system was about five feet underground. Plant a grass and it’s a commitment for life.

But with declining memories and defibrillators, maybe power tools aren’t such a good idea. I’m still haunted by the sight of my 80-something neighbor on her roof cleaning her gutters with a leaf blower. The whole neighborhood was alarmed. We ran to the bottom of the ladder and begged her to come down.

Age and wisdom go hand in hand, not power tools in hand.

And that brings me to the ladder rule: No husbands over the age of 75 are allowed on ladders. Period. No exceptions. I found one there a week ago daydreaming. Daydreaming and ladders don’t mix. Mix yourself a drink and call it a day.

And don’t even think of a power tool on a ladder.

I love the spirit of doing things for yourself. But when the spirit is willing and the body isn’t, just forget about it. You’re scaring the neighbors, and your wife.